


You Drive Him a Little Crazy

by dankaliens



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2018-11-16 04:47:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 9,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11246622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dankaliens/pseuds/dankaliens
Summary: A collection of one shots about Olivia Benson and Rafael Barba.





	1. Chapter 1

Rafael took a deep breath and stepped back on the courthouse steps. Had he really given away his address to a man who just threatened him? What the hell was wrong with him? He heard Olivia behind him and turned around.

“Hey, everything alright?” She asked resting her hand on his arm.

“Not really someone just threatened to kill me.” He said, the panic evident in his voice. 

“Who was it?” Dodds asked. 

“Just another face in the crowd,” Barba responded taking a few more deep breaths, he turned to Olivia, “Tell the squad to watch their backs. This is just the beginning.” She stared at him, her eyes filled with concern and ran her hand up and down his arm trying to calm him down. He was visibly shaken by the encounter and they needed to get him out of there. 

“Let’s head back to the precinct.” Dodds suggested. Barba, for once, listened to the Sergeant without argument. 

Hours later, Rafael was safely in bed at Olivia’s apartment instead of his own. He was watching Finding Nemo with Noah while Olivia finished up a few emails on her iPad. Well, he was really the one watching the movie, Noah was fast asleep curled up against him. 

Olivia looked over at her boys and smiled. “You want me to move him to his bed?” She asked powering off the iPad. 

Rafael shook his head, “He’s okay.”

“What about you?” Olivia asked. 

“I don’t want to move to his bed.” he deadpanned. 

She rolled her eyes and hit the light. “That’s not what I meant.”

“I’m okay,” he smiled softly at her, “Tired, but okay.” 

She leaned over and kissed him before snuggling into the blankets next to Noah. Whatever happened with this case, they knew they had each other.


	2. Gone Fishin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I came up with this idea after watching the episode on Wednesday. I know it's been a very long time since I posted but a lot happened over the summer, but, I'm at school now and I realized how much I love writing fics so I'm going to try to upload as much as possible. Key word there is try.

Rafael was woken up by a strange feeling in his gut. Looking at the clock, he saw he still had another half an hour before he had to get up and change for work. He rolled over to pull Olivia closer to him but was met with an empty bed and cool sheets. He thought maybe she had gotten a call, but the phone would have woken them both up. There was a chance she had just woken up earlier than him, so he decided to go look for her. He still had a weird feeling though, not bad, but weird. 

Walking out of their bedroom, he saw no signs of Olivia in the kitchen, or the living room. He ran a hand through his hair and scratched his head. When he was turning to head back into the bedroom and call her, he saw Noah’s door cracked open. He walked over and peeked in, and saw Olivia asleep in the chair next to Noah’s bed. The toddler was fast asleep hugging his bear. He snuck in quietly and shook her shoulder gently. Her eyes shot open and she looked around frantically before meeting his eyes and relaxing slightly. He nodded towards the door and helped her up so they could go into the kitchen and not wake Noah up. Olivia sat down at the table in the kitchen and ran her hand through her hair. She looked exhausted so Rafael began making her a cup of coffee. 

“Are you okay?” He asked.

“Yeah,” She said nodding, “I’m just tired.” 

“Did Noah get sick last night?” He asked sitting next to her. 

“No, I just…” She trailed off looking at her hands. 

“What is it, mi amor?” He asked. 

Liv took a deep breath, “The other day, when I took Noah to school, he told me he wished Lucy was his mom. He hates me, I tried so hard and he hates me.” As she spoke, tears appeared in her eyes.   
“Oh, liv, honey,” he kneeled next to her on the floor and kissed her head, “he doesn’t hate you.” 

“He does, I’m a bad mom!” She said letting the tears fall. 

“You are not a bad mom, kids say stupid things like that all the time.” He said pushing some of the hair out of her face, “Did you get any sleep last night?” She shook her head and wiped the tears from her face. “Alright, I’m gonna call Fin, you need to take the morning off and get some sleep.” He kissed the side of her head and stood up, offering his hand to her. 

Olivia didn’t argue with him, that’s how he knew she was exhausted. He helped her to the bedroom and made sure she was comfortable before he made some calls. He called Fin and told him Liv most likely wouldn’t be coming in today, and then he called Carmen to let her know he’d be taking the day off. His final call was to Lucy, to let the babysitter know she could have the day off. He crawled back into bed next to his girlfriend and pulled her closer to him. He knew he had to have a talk with Noah but right now, he wanted to stay with her, hold her. 

About an hour later, Rafael woke up again and heard the pattering of little feet. He quietly slipped out of bed to get to Noah before he woke Liv up. The toddler was in the kitchen pushing a chair over to the counter. 

“Noah, what are you doing?” He asked. Noah froze and turned around. 

“Nothing.” He said giving him a toothy grin. Raf walked over and scooped him up, sitting him on the counter. 

“You and me have to have a little talk, okay?” He sat down on the chair and looked up at the little boy. “Did you tell mommy that you wanted Lucy to be your mommy instead?” 

“Yeah, Lucy wouldn’t make me go to school if I didn’t want to.” He said. 

“Amigo, Mommy’s have to make their little boys go to school.” He explained, “And, Mommy loves you very much, it hurts her feelings when you say stuff like that to her.”

“But I love mommy, I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.” Noah said looking down. 

“I know you didn’t, how about we make her some breakfast before she wakes up and then you can apologize to her.” He said patting the little boys knee. 

“Okay!” Noah said excitedly. He and Barba got right to work. They made pancakes, bacon, eggs, and toast and put it all on a tray so they could carry it to the bedroom. 

“Go on, wake her up.” Rafael said holding the tray. Noah climbed on the bed and shook Olivia’s shoulder. 

“Mommy, time to get up!” He said, “Rafi and I made breakfast!” Olivia blinked a few times and sat up, smiling at her two boys. 

“Noah made you your favorite, chocolate chip pancakes.” Rafael said setting the tray down. 

“Mommy, I’m sorry I said I wanted Lucy to be my mommy. I love you and I want you to be my mommy forever!” Noah said. He threw his little arms around her neck and gave her a big hug. She hugged him back and kissed the side of his head. 

“I love you too, and I love being your mom.” She said. Barba smiled at them and winked at Olivia. “How about we share these pancakes.” She suggested to her son. He pulled back and smiled. 

“Okay! Rafi can have some too!” The two adults chuckled at his excitement. He settled himself next to Olivia on the bed and waited for Rafael to cut his pancakes up for him. Olivia made a mental note to thank Rafael later.


	3. No Shoes, No Shirt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm not consistent with uploading, school is crazy at the moment. I need a 3.5 gpa to switch majors so I've been working my ass off. I was really stressed out and wrote this to calm me down. Hope you guys enjoy it!

Olivia had just finished picking up the living room when she heard a knock on her apartment door. She saw that it was her squad so she let them in. 

“Hey, where’s Noah? I brought cannoli’s.” Carisi said holding up the box. 

“He’s taking his nap.” She said nodding towards her bedroom door. 

“Well, we can save him one.” He said setting the box on the coffee table. Fin and Rollins filed in behind him. 

“How’s Barba doin’?” Fin asked sitting down on the chair by the tv. 

“He’s…better. Still in some pain but the meds usually knock him right out. He’s laying down with Noah.” She explained sitting down next to Amanda. 

That’s why the squad was here now. A week ago, there was a shooting at the court house and Barba had been hit twice. Once in the chest and a second time in the arm. Thankfully, the bullets hadn’t hit any major organs but he had still lost a lot of blood. The squad was working on locating the shooter and brought over any leads they had so far. 

“We’ll get this guy, Liv.” Amanda squeezed her shoulder. Liv gave her a half smile and they started digging into the evidence they had. 

“The footage doesn’t really show the shooter’s face but we know he’s a white male, around 30 years old, and some of the witnesses did meet with a sketch artist so we do have this sketch.” Carisi said pulling a sketch out of one of the folders. 

“So he looks like any other 30 year old white guy running around Manhattan.” Fin said. 

“Well, basically, yeah, but one of the witnesses said he had a tattoo of a hummingbird on his neck.” Amanda explained. 

“Do we know what his motive was?” Olivia asked, “Was he going after Barba?” 

“Another ADA was shot, Brooklyn Philips, she primarily deals domestic violence cases.” Amanda said. 

“We went through some records, her and Barba worked a case together about 6 years ago.” Carisi said. 

“That gives us a place to start at least. This other ADA, how is she holding up?” Olivia asked. 

“She’s still at the hospital, a bullet hit her lung and it collapsed.” Fin said. Olivia was about to ask another question when she heard her bedroom door open and the voice of her toddler. It sounded like he was telling a story to Rafael but he stopped the minute he saw the rest of the squad. 

“Uncle Sonny!” Noah yelled running over to the detective. Barba realized he hadn’t bothered to put real clothes on when he woke up. His arm hurt when he tried to move it so he decided to skip the shirt and just keep the pajama pants on. He didn’t have any product in his hair and he was sure he looked as tired as he felt. 

“Counselor!” Carisi said cheerfully, “Looking good! You workout?” He asked sitting Noah down on his knee. Amanda hit his arm and Noah giggled. 

Barba grunted as a response and walked over to the kitchen to get himself some coffee. Olivia held back a laugh and got up to give him a hand. He did look good, even with the bandage covering a large portion of his chest. She saw pain flash across his face when he tried to use his arm so she took over making the coffee. 

“What? I was being serious, he looks good!” Carisi said defending his statement. 

“Sorry, Carisi, I’m taken.” Rafael said, “I’m flattered though, really.” Olivia shook her head with a laugh and poured the coffee into a cup. She really did love this little family of hers.


	4. Spider-Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay after tonight’s episode I just would like to know why Liv can’t catch a break. I guess there’s kind of spoilers in this so just be careful if you haven’t seen the most recent episode. But seriously, give Olivia Benson a break. Hope you guys enjoy this!!

“Noah,” Olivia said trying to hide the amusement in her voice, “Put your pajamas on.” 

“Spider-Man doesn’t wear pajamas!” Noah said confidently. He was dressed in his Spider-Man costume that was meant for Halloween. 

“Spider-Man listened to his mommy.” She said. She heard a knock on the door and Noah took the mask off his face. 

“Did you invite someone over?” She asked. 

“No! Maybe it’s the goblin!” He said. 

“I’ll go check it out.” Olivia said. She walked out of his room and over to the door. When she opened it, Rafael was standing there. 

“Hey, what are you doing here?” She asked stepping aside to let him in. 

“Just thought I’d drop by and see how you are.” He said. 

“I was just putting Noah to bed.” She said nodding towards the bedroom. 

“That doesn’t look like Noah, that looks like Spider-Man!” Rafael said pointing towards the bedroom door. Noah had put his mask back on and poked his head around the corner. 

“Rafa!” He yelled running over to the ADA. 

“Hey little man,” he scooped him up and pulled the mask off his head, “this your costume?” He asked. Noah nodded his head excitedly. 

“And if he wants to keep the costume he’s going to go put his pajamas on and get in bed.” Olivia said pinching his cheek lightly. Noah giggled and looked at Rafael. 

“Will you read me a bedtime story?” He asked. 

“If you listen to mamí.” He negotiated. He kissed the side of his head then put him down so he could go change. Noah ran into his room and shut the door. 

“He seems okay,” Rafael said hanging up his jacket, “how are you?” 

“I’m....better than I thought I would be. Noah enjoyed her company.” Olivia said picking up some of the toys around the living room. 

“How do you feel about her?” He asked taking the toys from her and putting them in the chest. 

“She’s nice, she wants to be in Noah’s life and I don’t really have a reason to stop her. She has no intention of taking him away from me.” She said. 

“That’s good to hear.” He said, he noticed the look in her eyes, “but?” 

“I just- I don’t know how to explain it to Noah. I don’t really know what to tell him.” She said running her hand through her hair. 

“He’s still young, telling him she’s his grandmother will do for now. Don’t stress yourself out about it, he loves you, you love him, you’re doing a great job Olivia.” He said walking over to her. He slipped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to him. 

“You’re too hard on yourself,” He said, “You are a fantastic mother to that boy, he is lucky to have you.” He kissed her forehead and she took a deep breath. 

“Thank you, you always know what to say.” She said. She kissed him on the lips but the two were interrupted by the toddler. 

“Eww! Rafa come read!” He said giggling a little. Rafael pulled away and turned around. 

“You’re bossy! Just like your mother!” Rafael joked walking towards his room. 

“Hey!” Olivia said hitting his arm playfully. He laughed and the two settled on either side of Noah. 

“What book do you have for me tonight, amigo?” He asked. Noah pulled out one of the Spider-Man children’s books he had been into lately. 

“This one!” He said holding it up. 

“Good choice,” Rafael said, “you comfy?” Noah nodded and snuggled closer to his mother’s side. Rafael began reading and Olivia couldn’t help the smile that crossed her face. She could always count on him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If they wanted Noah to have a grandmother so bad why couldn’t they just have Barba and Olivia get together and Lucia can just be his abuelita why do they have to make things complicated?


	5. Gone Baby Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This takes place after Gone Baby Gone. I was actually mad at the svu writers because Olivia has been through enough. Also, I'm convinced her and Barba have a friends with benefits thing going on but that's a story for another time. Anyways, enjoy.

It was late and Noah was still awake, watching TV with Olivia. They had made it through two Toy Story’s and were starting on the third. Noah was sleepy though. He kept yawning and rubbing his eyes. Olivia was running her fingers through his hair when he yawned again. 

“You sleepy?” She whispered kissing his head. 

Noah nodded and snuggled closer into his mothers side. He clutched Eddie the Elephant closer to his body and closed his eyes. 

“Don’t go to sleep here sweet boy, let’s get you into your bed.” Olivia said slowly sitting him up. 

“No mumma I wanna sleep with you again.” Noah whined. 

“Noah, we talked about this, you have to sleep in your own bed.” She said sternly. 

“But Rafa gets to sleep in your bed.” He complained. Olivia sighed. She was too tired to explain to her son that grownups could share beds. She also was too tired to argue and she felt bad saying no and forcing him to sleep in his own bed. She knew at some point she wouldn’t be able to back down but decided it wasn’t time yet. 

“Okay, you can sleep with me and Rafa tonight but tomorrow it’s back to the big boy bed, okay?” Liv said, trying to compromise with him. 

“Okay mumma.” Noah said smiling. She turned off the TV and followed him to her bedroom. Noah opened the door quietly. 

“Is he asleep?” He whispered looking up at Olivia. Rafael was sprawled on the bed on his stomach snoring softly. Olivia nodded and helped Noah get up on the bed and tucked him in between her and Rafael. He stirred slightly but didn’t wake up. Noah snuggled closer into Liv’s side and hugged Eddie against his chest. 

“Goodnight sweet boy.” She said kissing his head. His breathing evened out and Olivia relaxed into the pillows. She was happy with her life, and that’s all she could ever ask for. 

When the alarm went off in the morning, Olivia cursed whoever was listening, but knew she had to get up anyways. Looking over, Noah had shifted closer to Rafael in the middle of the night. She slipped out of bed quietly and smiled at the boys, still fast asleep. Rafael was laying on his stomach still, his hair all over the place. Noah was on his stomach as well, his holding Eddie securely under one arm. Olivia snapped a quick picture with her phone and went into the bathroom to shower before work. They still had a long way to go before things were back to the way they used to be, but she was thankful for her boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, sorry for the long wait. College is a lot of work and if anyone has any tips on how to deal with stress and anxiety please let me know!!!!!


	6. Freeze Your Brain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I absolutely love the Heathers soundtrack and I was listening to Freeze Your Brain and this popped into my head. It really has nothing to do with the song but that's okay. Hope you guys enjoy! And check out the notes at the end please!

Olivia’s life was slowly but surely going back to normal. Noah spent the whole day at school and she was starting to be comfortable with not having him in her sight 24/7. Things between her and Rafael were moving along nicely. He’d spent nearly every evening having dinner with her and Noah, except for tonight. He got caught up at the office and couldn’t make it. Noah was disappointed, but Rafael promised he’d spend the whole weekend with the boy. Olivia loved that they were close, Rafael absolutely adored Noah and genuinely enjoyed hanging out with him. She was also a little disappointed Rafael wouldn’t be over that night, she got used to seeing him every night. Right when she was going to shoot him a text, she heard a knock at the door. 

“Who’s that mommy?” Noah asked looking up from his coloring book. 

“I don’t know, did you invite someone over?” She joked while walking to the door. Noah shrugged. When she opened the door, she was met with the signature smirk of Rafael Barba. Before she could say anything, Noah yelled excitedly. 

“Rafa!” He hopped off his chair and ran over right into his legs. 

“Hey little man!” Rafael said with a small chuckle. 

“You missed dinner!” The little boy said. 

“I know, but, I brought some dessert if it’s okay with your mom.” He said looking up at Olivia. 

“Can we have dessert?” Noah asked looking up at his mom. 

“Of course we can.” She said smiling at Rafael. Noah cheered and grabbed the bag right out of his hands and ran back to the kitchen. 

“I thought you were stuck at the office.” Olivia said. 

“I stayed as long as I could, had more important matters to attend to.” He said shrugging his jacket off. She smiled at him as he hung it up. 

“Woah! This is a lot of ice cream.” Noah said putting the three tubs on the counter. 

“Well, Eddie ate the ice cream last time so I bought as much as I could carry.” Rafael said walking over and tickling the boys sides. He giggled and squirmed in the seat. Olivia was smiling like an idiot and she knew it, but she didn’t care. She loved seeing her son happy. She also loved seeing Rafael move so comfortably around her kitchen and interact with Noah. She stood there for a few moments, watching them decide on what flavors they wanted. She could get used to this. 

“Mommy, which ones do you want?” Her son’s question snapped her back to reality. 

“Is strawberry on the menu?” She asked joining them. 

“Yep!” Noah said pushing the tub towards her side of the counter. The three of them spent a while making the most delicious sundaes they could. Noah ended up getting a brain freeze because he ate his so fast. 

“Ahhh! Brain Freeze!” Noah yelled holding his head. 

“Hey, hey, hey, go like this.” Rafael said pressing his thumb to the roof of his mouth. Noah did the same thing and squeezed his eyes shut. 

“is it working?” Rafael asked. 

“I fink so.” Noah said, his thumb still in his mouth. Both adults laughed as the boy took his thumb out. 

“I think I’m done, that was a lot of ice cream.” Noah said. 

“Why don’t you go put your pajamas on and I’ll clean up.” Olivia said grabbing his dish. 

“Will you read to me Rafa?” He asked. 

“Of course, pick a book and I’ll be right in.” He said. Noah hopped off the stool and went into his room. Olivia began washing out the dishes while Rafael put the ice cream in the freezer. 

“He seems to be doing okay.” Rafael said. 

“Yeah, he’s a tough kid.” She said. 

“What about you?” He asked leaning against the counter next to her. 

“I’m…I’m getting there.” She said looking up at him. 

“Remember, I’m here for you every step of the way.” He said interlocking their fingers. They let their hands fall in between them and she looked down. Right when he had made up his mind to kiss her, Noah called him from his room. 

“I’m ready Rafa!” He said running out with a book. He and Liv let go of each other and he winked at her. 

“Alright amigo,” He said walking over and scooping him up, he dropped him on his bed causing the boy to giggle. Rafael sat down on the bed next to him and looked at the book. “Another dinosaur book? Those voices are hard to do.” 

“But you’re good at them.” Noah said. 

“I guess, I can muster up the strength for you.” He said causing Noah to smile. Olivia leaned against the door frame and watched the two boys. Noah curled up next to Rafael and listened intently as he read, doing different voices. She had a family, and she couldn’t be happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a lot of fun writing these but sometimes I get writer's block and when that mixes with the stress of school I can't get anything out. I was thinking, if anyone wanted to, you could leave prompts in the comments or something? I'll try to do as many as I can, if I even get any. From the looks of the comments people like my writing so I'd like to give you guys more content if you want it. Let me know! Also, if you haven't yet, listen to the Heathers musical it's amazing.


	7. Say You Won't Let Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I was studying, this song came on, and I wrote this idea down in my notes so I could write it when I finished my homework. Really, my only time to write is late at night because I do homework all day and have classes in the afternoon. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this because I had fun writing it. It made me really happy. Also, this is pre-Noah.

Olivia Benson was drunk. So drunk, Rafael Barba was supporting most of her weight as they stumbled to her apartment even though he had drank almost as much as she had. She kept giggling which in turn caused him to burst out laughing. They finally made it to her door and he leaned her against the wall. She began digging through her purse in search of her keys. 

“My keys…did I bring my keys with me?” She asked looking up at him. He looked around, as if that would give him the answer. He started patting down his own pockets and felt something in the back of his jeans. 

“I brought your keys with me.” He said holding them up above her head. She reached for them but stumbled forward causing them both to laugh again. A neighbor opened their door and glared at them. 

“Do you have any idea what time it is?” The angry neighbor asked. 

Barba whipped around at the sound of the unfamiliar voice and made himself dizzy. 

“Well the sun isn’t up yet so my guess is it’s still night time.” Barba said with a hint of sass in his voice. Olivia hid her face behind him and stifled a laugh. The neighbor glared harder and then shut their door, mumbling something under his breath. 

“Well, you have lovely neighbors.” Barba said turning back to face Olivia and handing her the keys. 

“You’re sassy when you’re drunk.” She said smiling up at him. 

“Yeah, and you’re giggly.” He said poking her in the nose. She giggled again and turned to put her key in the door. Barba chose at the same moment to lean against it and the two of them nearly fell into her apartment. 

“And gracefully they enter.” Barba said dramatically, taking a bow and nearly falling over. 

“Come on, theater boy.” Olivia said dragging him to the bedroom. He let out a mock gasp. 

“What’s in here Sergeant?” He asked. She ignored his mocking and kissed him on the lips. He kissed her back and brought his hands up to cup her face. When they pulled apart he smirked at her, “So that’s what’s in here.” 

“Stop talking counselor.” She said kissing him again. Rafael smiled into her kisses and frowned when she pulled away again. When he looked at her, she looked pale. 

“You okay?” He asked. Without answering, she ran into the bathroom and kneeled over the toilet. Rafael made it there just in time to hold her hair back. He kneeled next to her and rubbed her back for a few minutes. When she was done she flushed the toilet and rested for a second. He got her a glass of water and she looked back at him with a smile on her face and took the water. Rafael had a sobering feeling for a second. He really loved this woman, and in that moment he made a promise to himself, to stick by her no matter what. He was brought back to reality when she stood up and swayed for a second. While she brushed her teeth and rinsed her mouth, he went back into the bedroom and got clothes out for her to change into. She came back out as he was pulling is Harvard hoodie out of her closet. 

“You’re still gonna stay over? Right?” She asked sleepily. 

“Yeah, c’mere.” He said. She shuffled over to him and he helped her take her jeans and shirt off. She snuggled into her side of the bed, burying her face into the pillow. He fell onto the bed next to her.

“I love you,” she mumbled into the pillow.

“I love you too, gorgeous.” He said pulling her closer to him. 

“If you really love me, please, never let me do that many tequila shots again.” She said. He laughed and kissed her head. He wanted to live like this forever. Happy and in love with his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I decided if I do get any prompts I'm going to save them for when I'm really stuck. I appreciate you guys a lot and thank you for reading these one shots, commenting, and everything. It means the world to me. I want to write tv shows someday so it means a lot that people like my writing. Again, thank you, it truly does mean the world to me.


	8. Daddy Barba

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I got a request about Noah asking Rafael to be his father and I had already written half of this I just couldn't decide where to end it. I decided to end it there and I'll probably write a part two. Anyways, enjoy!

Cases with children had always hit Rafael hard, but it was worse now that he was dating Liv and spending nearly everyday with Noah. He loved that little boy, and his mother, more than anything. All he wanted to do was keep them safe and he had spent most of his nights for the past few weeks worried something would happen. He turned his head to the side and looked at Liv, who was fast asleep with her arm thrown over his stomach. He softly kissed her forehead and tried to sneak out without waking her, but she noticed the lack of warmth by her side almost immediately and tried to pull him closer. 

“Where are you going?” She mumbled sleepily. 

“I just need some water, go back to sleep.” He kissed her forehead again as she snuggled back into the blankets. He smiled at his very sleepy girlfriend before making his way out to the kitchen to get a glass of water. He was exhausted but knew he wasn’t going to be able to fall asleep anytime soon, so he took his glass to the couch and decided to watch something on TV. It was 2 am and he figured some semi decent movie would be on the premium channels. He kept the volume low so he wouldn’t wake Liv or Noah. 

He had been watching Ghostbusters for roughly 20 minutes when he heard a door open and the sound of little feet. He looked to his left and saw Noah walking over to him. His hair was all over the place and his pajamas were ruffled. 

“Hey amigo, what are you doing up?” He picked the 4 year old up and sat him on his lap, smoothing some of his hair down. 

“I’m thirsty.” He said rubbing his eyes. 

“Let’s get you some water then, huh?” Noah nodded and Rafael carried him to the kitchen to fill a sippy cup with some water. 

“Can I stay with you till I fall asleep?” Noah asked. Normally, he’d insist on Noah going back to sleep in his own bed, but, he had a soft spot and wanted to spend some time with him. Rafael yawned and nodded and settled back on the couch with Noah cuddled close to his chest. He figured Liv wouldn’t appreciate if he watched Ghostbusters so he put on one of the recordings of Paw Patrol. 

“Hey Rafi?” Noah asked. 

“Hmm?” He responded looking down at the boy. 

“Why do I call you Rafi and not daddy?” Noah asked. The question took him by surprise and at first he didn’t know what to say. Liv needed to be the one to do this, not him. He tried to think of a good way to answer him. 

“Um, well, I guess it’s because your mommy and I aren’t married yet.” He said. 

“If you marry her will you be my daddy?” He asked. 

“Kind of, yeah, is that what you want?” He and Liv had discussed getting married and he adopting Noah before, but nothing was really set in stone.

Noah nodded. “I want you to be my daddy and to marry mommy so then I’ll have the coolest mommy and daddy ever.” He said. Rafael chuckled and kissed his head. 

“Okay, I have an idea, but you have to keep it a secret.” He sat up and stood the boy on the floor in front of him. Noah zipped his lips shut to show he could keep a secret. “Tomorrow, when mommy goes out to lunch with Auntie Amanda, you and me will go and get her a pretty ring and I’ll ask her to marry me, deal?” Noah smiled and nodded. “But we don’t tell mommy, okay?”

“Don’t tell mommy.” Noah repeated. 

“Good boy, now come on, I’ll sit with you until you fall asleep but let’s go into your room.” He said. Noah yawned and agreed since Rafael was going to sit with him. As he tucked the boy in, he found he wasn’t as worried as he was earlier and was excited to to see what the future held.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, okay, so next week's episode is GOING to break me and I'm okay with that. Also, sorry I post at weird times I have a lot of trouble sleeping and this kind of calms me down. I really enjoy writing these and it's a good way for me to practice writing since I want to write when I'm older. But yeah, hope you guys enjoy it and if we aren't given a barson kiss this season I might cry!!!


	9. Put a Ring On It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is the second part! I needed something to cheer me up after the Patriots devastating loss last night. Hope you guys enjoy it!

Rafael was woken up by a very excited Noah jumping on the bed and chanting his name over and over again. He smiled and rolled over, running a hand through his hair before sitting up.

“Hey, amigo, where’s mommy?” He asked getting him to stop jumping and sit down.

“Noah, honey, I told you Rafi’s…” Olivia paused when he saw Rafael was now awake, “well he was asleep.” 

“It’s fine, I didn’t want to sleep too late anyways.” He said. 

“What do you two have planned for today?” Liv asked sitting on the other side of Noah. 

“I have a few new suits I have to pick up, maybe I’ll show little man how to dress.” Rafi said tickling Noah’s sides, causing him to giggle. 

“You be a good boy today, okay?” Olivia said kissing her son’s head. She leaned over to kiss Rafael goodbye. “I love you, I’ll text you.” 

“I love you too.” He said.

“I’ll see you boys later!” Olivia said walking out of the bedroom. 

“Bye Mommy!” Noah yelled after her. They heard the front door close and Noah started jumping excitedly again. 

“Can we go now?” He asked. 

“First we get dressed, then we can go to the mall.” Rafael said getting out of bed. He picked Noah up and held him sideways under his arm as he carried him out of the bedroom.

About forty five minutes later, both men were dressed and ready to go ring shopping. 

Noah talked the whole time in the car about how excited he was to see his mom happy and wanted to get her the biggest and prettiest ring the store had. Rafael held his hand as they walked through the mall trying to keep him distracted from the toys stores they were passing. The last thing they needed was more legos scattered around the apartment. 

“Hey, come this way buddy.” Rafi said leading him into the jewelry store. He picked him up so he could see into the cases. 

“Ohh those are shiny!” Noah said pointing at a few necklaces. Rafael smiled at him.   
“Yeah, they are, but we need a ring, remember?” 

“Can I help you sir?” A man in a very nice suit asked, walking over. Rafael opened his mouth to speak but Noah beat him to the punch. 

“We need a pretty ring so Rafi can tell Mommy he wants to marry her.” The man in the suit chuckled. 

“I can help you with that. We have engagement rings right over here.” He led them to a case on the other side of the store and Noah was in awe. 

“They’re all pretty! How do we pick?” He asked. 

“Mommy really likes white gold rings so why don’t we look at those.” Rafael suggested.

“We have one of the largest selections of white gold rings on this side.” He said pointing to the right side of the case. 

“Hey, amigo, what about that one?” Rafael pointed to a three stone diamond ring that was gorgeous, “Can we see that one. 

“It’s pretty like Mommy.” Noah said. The man handed Rafael the ring and the two admired it. 

“Just like mommy.” Rafael said, “We’ll take it.” 

“Perfect, I’ll box that right up for you.” He said. 

After buying the ring and letting Noah pick out what box to put it in, the two headed back out to the mall and stopped for some pretzels. 

“When are you going to ask Mommy?” Noah asked. 

“I was thinking maybe tonight. We could go out to a nice restaurant for dinner and then I’ll ask her.” He suggested. 

Noah gasped, “Can we go to Wendy’s?” 

Rafael shook his head with a smile, “Not tonight, but I’ll take you to Wendy’s soon.”

As they got back to the car, Rafael’s phone rang and Olivia’s name popped up on the screen. 

“Mommy’s calling now,” He hit the answer button and put the phone between his shoulder and his hear as he picked Noah up to buckle him in. “Hey, what’s up?” 

“Have I ever told you how much I love you?” She asked. 

“Uh oh, what’s wrong?” He asked. 

“We just got a call, another rape at Hudson.” She said. 

“I’m guessing you won’t make it home for dinner then, huh?” 

“Sorry, babe, not tonight.” 

“It’s alright, you wanna talk to Noah?” He just finished buckling him in, “Here, say hi to mommy.” Rafael handed him the phone before shutting the door and getting into the driver seat himself. 

“I love you too Mommy, here’s Rafi.” Noah handed the phone back to him. 

“I’ll cook something tonight and save you some, how does that sound?” Rafael asked. 

“Perfect, sorry again, I really wanted to spend some time with you and Noah.” She said. 

“I know, we’ll have family fun soon.” She laughed on the other end. 

“I love you, I’ll talk to you later.” She said. 

“I love you too, Noah say bye,” He held the phone up. 

“Bye mommy!” When he hung up he put the phone in the cup holder. 

“So you can’t ask her tonight?” Noah asked. Rafael glanced in the rearview mirror and saw the disappointed look on Noah’s face. 

“We’ll figure it out buddy, don’t worry.”

Rafael decided they would cook dinner, and bring some to the precinct. Noah said he should ask her at work because that’s where all of their friends are. 

“You really think that’s a good idea?” Rafael asked. Noah nodded. 

“Mommy will love it!” 

After eating and getting cleaned up, Noah helped carry some of the food out to the car. They put the food down in the back and Rafael buckled Noah in. 

“Do you have the ring?” Noah asked. 

“Yep, got it right here.” Rafael said patting his pocket. 

Rafael’s mind was all over the place as he drive to the precinct. He heard Noah talking and tried to answer him but he was so nervous. This was the biggest moment of his life and he was freaking out. Noah got even more excited as they pulled up closer. Rafael parked the car and got Noah and the food out. 

“Alright, let’s do this little man.” He and Noah walked into the precinct and he nodded at the officer at the desk. In the elevator, he let Noah press the button. When the doors opened, he bolted down the hallway and Rafael ran to catch up with him.

“Mommy! Mommy!” Noah yelled. Olivia turned around from her spot by the white board.  
“Hey counselor,” Fin said, “I didn’t know you owned jeans.” 

“Oh look, he has jokes.” Rafael said joking back with him. He was calming down a little which was good. 

“Hey sweet boy, what are you guys doing here?” Olivia asked hugging him.

“Rafi and me brought you guys dinner!” Noah said. 

“Thank god, I’m starving.” Sonny said, “Tacos! These look great!”

“Noah didn’t want you guys to miss taco night.” Rafael said. 

“Did you two have fun today?” Olivia asked. 

“Yep! We went to the mall and got pretzels.” Noah said, “And I saw the lego set I want Santa to get me!” 

“Soon you’ll have enough Legos you can build an actual house for us to live in.” She said.   
“And, Rafi needs to ask you something!” There it was. Rafael felt his heart stop. Honestly he was surprised Noah kept the secret for this long. “Ask her Rafi!” He took a deep breath. It was now or never. 

“Well, the original plan was to take you out on a nice date but,” he got down on one knee and the whole squad room seemed to go quiet, he pulled the box out of his pocket and popped it open, “Olivia Margaret Benson, will you marry me?” 

Tears sprung at Olivia’s eyes as she choked out a yes. “Yes, yes, yes.” She repeated. Rafael let out a sigh of relief and stood up to hug her as everyone clapped around them. Noah cheered next to them and pushed himself into the hug. 

“Me too!” He said. Olivia and Rafael laughed. 

Olivia finally had the family she always wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not ready for Wednesday's episode but at the same time I am. Does that make sense?


	10. Colors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The episode broke my heart and I HAD to get this out. I hope you guys enjoy it!
> 
> Some of the dialogue is taken directly from the episode but I don't own anything!!
> 
> btw Liv and Barba aren't dating prior to this one!!

Olivia walked up to Rafael who was standing outside on the sidewalk staring up at the court house. She felt like everything was her fault. She was the one who called him about the case. She got him into this mess. It was her fault he was leaving the job he loved so much. 

“Rafael, I’m so sorry.” She said holding back tears.

“For what?” He asked, still staring at the building. 

“I called you. I dragged you into this. I shouldn’t have-“ He cut her off before she could blame herself more. 

“It’s not your fault. You know, when we first started working together, what was it five years ago?” He paused and looked at her. 

“Six.” She said. 

“The world was an old movie,” he continued, “it was all black and white, it was high noon, I was Gary Cooper. And then you started to weasel your way into my world, and the black and white became different shades of grey.” He looked at her with the smallest hint of a smile. “Don’t say it.” She was smiling now at him, not a full on smile, but enough. “Before I knew it there were blues and greens and yellows and reds. I’m you now, Liv. You opened my heart and I thank you for it.” 

She was trying so hard to hold back tears. She was terrified and upset. She was about to lose her best friend, the one man she’s trusted fully since Elliot. Hell, she’s been closer to Rafael than she ever was to Elliot. “And?” She choked out. 

And I love you, he wanted to say. But what came out was “I’ve got to move on.” She began to cry and he felt every part of him break as she did. He loved her more than she would ever know but for some reason he couldn’t bring himself to say it. Instead he pulled her closer and kissed her forehead, closing his eyes to just stay in the moment. When he pulled away she held onto his hand for a moment before letting him walk away. He didn’t know why he was doing it, he wanted to be with her, hold her, but was terrified of his feelings for her and he didn’t know where he’d end up after this. So he kept walking, balling his hands into fists and trying not to think about the love of his life crying behind him. 

Olivia was devastated, but held back the tears as best as she could. He was doing what was best for him, she knew that, but a part of her couldn’t help but think what about me? She’d fallen in love with him over the years. He cared so much about her, about Noah, about their happiness. She didn’t know what she’d do without him around. Pulling herself together, she decided to go home to her son. She wanted to hug him and read to him and play legos with him. She wiped her face with the back of her hand and began walking in the opposite direction that Rafael went. 

Rafael paced his apartment for hours. He couldn’t stop thinking about Olivia. She looked so heartbroken and he felt no better. There was nothing holding him back now, so why didn’t he tell her how he really felt? No job was standing in his way, there was no conflict of interest to worry about. He downed the scotch in his glass and poured himself another. Halfway through it, he realized he needed to go to her now or he never would, and he really didn’t want to live with that thought. He ordered an uber before going to throw on jeans and a sweatshirt, he was going to do right by this woman. 

Olivia snuggled with Noah in his bed as she read him a story. She was thankful for nights she got to spend in with him. She had almost gone the whole evening without thinking of Rafael, she was so close, until Noah pulled out the toy lego set he had bought him shortly after the incident with Sheila. Of course he had to pick that lego set. Her sweet boy was nearly asleep so she put the book on the bedside table and slowly slipped out of the bed. 

“The story isn’t over Mamma.” Noah mumbled. 

“We’ll finish it tomorrow sweet boy, I promise.” She whispered brushing some of the hair away from his forehead. 

“Mmkay.” She kissed his head before shutting off the light and leaving his bedroom. She went back to the living room and began picking up the toys that seemed to be multiplying all over the place. She was vowing to herself never to buy Noah another box of blocks when she heard a knock at the door. She tossed the toys in her hand into the chest and went to answer it. She was surprised to see the man standing before her. 

“Rafa what are you-“ She was cut off by him cupping her face and kissing her on the lips. It was passionate and hot and everything she’d imagine kissing Rafael Barba would be like. She pushed the door shut behind him before letting her hands rest on his hips. He pulled away and looked into her gorgeous brown eyes before speaking. 

“I’m sorry Liv, I’m so sorry. I should’ve said something earlier. I love you, okay? I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone and I don’t want to move on from you. I can live without the job, the office, all of that, but I can’t live without you, I don’t want to live without you.” His eyes were red and puffy, like he had been crying all afternoon. She was starting to cry now. She loved him so much. 

“I love you too, Rafa,” she kissed him again, “I love you so much.” He moved his arms to wrap around her waist and pull her closer. When he began to move his hands up her sides, she realized they were standing out in the middle of the apartment where Noah could run out at any moment. 

“Hey,” she pulled away slowly, he lowered his hands back to her waist and she took one in her hand. She nodded towards her bedroom and he smiled, letting himself be led down the hall. 

When Rafael woke up the next morning, he was met with cool sheets and a slight headache. He pulled his pants and shirt back on before making his way out to the kitchen where Olivia was cooking breakfast, in his sweatshirt. 

“Uncle Rafa!” Noah jumped off his chair and ran over, crashing into his legs. 

“Hey buddy,” he smiled and ruffled the boys hair, “You’re getting bigger and bigger each time I see you, soon you’re gonna be a giant.” 

“No, giants aren’t real, you’re silly!” Noah giggled. 

“No, you’re silly!” Rafael said tickling his stomach. Noah giggled even more until he broke free. Olivia smiled at the two of them as she put the pancakes, eggs, and bacon on plates. 

“Sweetie go wash your hands before breakfast.” Noah ran off to the bathroom leaving her and Rafael alone. He slid his hands around her waist and kissed her cheek before resting his chin on her shoulder and watching her finish up breakfast. 

“I could get used to this.” He said causing her to laugh. 

“Noah will tell you, I don’t get to cook breakfast often.” She said. 

“I don’t just mean the breakfast,” he said smiling and spinning her around in his arms, “I mean this, you and me and Noah, being together.” Olivia tilted her head slightly and stared at him. “Look, I know everything’s a mess right now but I meant what I said last night, I don’t want to move on from you, or from Noah. I love the both of you.” She reached up and kissed him as a response. 

“If you really want to stay, you’re gonna need to bring over some more clothes. Especially these sweatshirts they’re comfy as hell.” She said. Rafael laughed and Noah came running back out of the bathroom ready to eat. He helped Noah get situated then sat down next to him while Olivia got butter and syrup out. Even if it took a little while for him to figure out what to do next, he knew he’d always have Liv and Noah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I'm very upset about Barba but I'm very impressed with how well the episode was written. This show is the reason I'm studying film/television in college and working towards becoming a screenwriter. Barba is one of my all time favorite characters and even though I'm sad, he was written "off", they did it in a way that leaves room for him to come back so fingers crossed!!!!!


	11. Something Just Like This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chasing Demons wasn't a terrible episode. I do think things would've turned out differently if Barba was still there but I'm interested to see how things work out with Stone. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this!

Rafael noticed Olivia had looked distracted after she returned from her meeting with Stone. She seemed to almost be operating on autopilot. He knew the case had sucked, and Cassidy literally bursting back into her life didn’t help a bit, but he’d never seen her so…out of it. 

“Hey, amigo, it’s getting kind of late, why don’t you go get ready for bed.” Rafael said nudging his shoulder. The two were sitting side by side watching cartoons and had just finished their bowl of ice cream. 

“Will you read me a story?” Noah asked. 

“Yeah, one story, go change.” As Noah ran off to his bedroom, Rafael picked up the bowls of ice cream and brought them over to the sink where Olivia was washing dishes. 

“Hey, you okay?” Rafael asked resting his hand on her lower back. 

“What?” She asked looking up at him, “Oh yeah, I’m fine.” 

“You sure? You’ve seemed a little out of it all night.” Rafael said. 

“Yeah, I’m just tired. Long day.” She dried the last few dishes by hand but Rafael reached out to stop her. 

“Liv, come on, talk to me.” He leaned back against the counter as she looked up at him. “Did Stone say something to you?”

“No,” she shook her head, “It wasn’t Stone.” She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “I ran into Brian before I met with Stone.” 

“Ah.” Rafael nodded looking down at the ground. That wasn't what he expected to hear. 

“He told me I was the love of his life.” She said, and immediately regretted it when Rafael tensed up. “He said he knew I was never going to bare my soul to him. When he said that I just kept thinking out how the entire time I was with him, I knew it wasn’t going to be forever. I knew there would be an end.”

“But…” Rafael started. 

“But then I was thinking about you, and Noah, and how I don’t see an end. Every time I think about the future you’re there with me, right by my side. I guess I just felt bad because…well, you’re the love of my life Rafa.” 

A small smile graced Rafael’s face. 

“You’re the love of my life as well Olivia Benson,” he snaked his arms around her waist and kissed her softly on the lips, “And I promise I’ll be by your side for the rest of our lives.” 

She smiled up at him and kissed him again before Noah ran back out of his room and interrupted them. 

“Story time!” He crashed right into their legs and giggled.

“Story time, huh?” Rafael scooped the 5 year old up, “What are we reading tonight? The Paw Patrol book again? Fine only for you.” 

Olivia smiled as Rafael carried Noah back to his room to read to him. There was no doubt in her mind he would have her back for the rest of their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry for not posting for a while, and I'm sorry this is kind of short. I had midterms last week and have just been completely swamped with school and my life in general. But, this week I'm on spring break so I'm hoping to get a few posts out for you guys to make up for it.


	12. Taxi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you don't listen to them already, I highly recommend checking out a band called The Maine, specifically their song Taxi which was the inspiration for this songfic thing.

_In the back seat of the taxi_   
****

_When you told me_

_We were only_

_Two punch drunk souls all tangled in the wind_

Olivia looped her arm around Rafael’s as the two made their way out of Forlini’s bar late on a Friday. Their quick bite after work turned into a rather late night of drinking, venting, and a few laughs. Rafael smiled down at her before flagging down a cab to take them home. As they climbed into the back seat, Olivia couldn’t help but smile.

Neither of them had drank too much, but they felt buzzed around each other. Olivia laughed at another one of his jokes and he laced their hands together. The world around them could’ve ceased to exist and neither of them would’ve noticed because they were so wrapped up in each other.

_And in the backseat when you asked me_

_“Is the sadness everlasting?”_

_I pulled you closer looked at you and said_

_“Love, I think it is.”_

The two fell into a comfortable silence as they rode back to her apartment, but Rafael could tell she was deep in thought.

“What’s on your mind?” He asked nudging her knee.

It took her a few moments before she turned and answered him.

“I just can’t help but think of all the shit we go through. How much of a toll it takes on us. You think this kind of sadness that sticks with you is everlasting?”

Rafael slid over on the seat and threw his arm around her. He kissed her head before looking down at her and responding.

“Mi amor, I think it is.” He said honestly. She gave him a sad smile before leaning up to kiss him.

_And it creeps on in_

_To the corners of yourself_

_Yeah, it creeps on in_

_Until it hurts like hell_

Every year, on the date of her kidnapping, Olivia felt the flashbacks creep in on her. For the most part she kept them at bay, but Rafael knew that late at night they came full force. He could see the pain she went through, and held her every time she woke up from a nightmare.

“I’m not going anywhere, Liv. I’m in this for the long haul.” He said, and pressed his cheek against her forehead.

She closed her eyes and breathed him in. “You promise?”

“I promise.”

_And you know I never knew, how much I was getting into_

_No, I never knew, how much I was getting into_

Being with Olivia had flipped Rafael’s whole world upside down, but in the most wonderful way. He never thought he’d take his mind off his work long to meet someone let alone have a family, but here he was with Noah and Olivia.

“Dada up!” Noah yelled throwing his arms in the air. Rafael picked the little boy up and tickled his stomach causing him to giggle.

“Is your tummy ticklish? Huh? You ticklish?” Noah’s giggles filled the apartment, and filled Olivia’s heart with love.

“Build blocks?” Noah asked looking at Rafael with his big brown eyes.

“Sure, mijo.” The two sat on the floor as Noah knocked over tower after tower. Rafael kept him entertained until dinner was ready and then some. He never saw this coming but he wouldn’t change it for the world.

_I can’t say that I can make you feel_

_Complete and free from your worry_

_But believe me when I tell you_

_“Babe, you’ll never be lonely”_

_You’ll never be lonely_

_You’ll never be lonely_

_Don’t you understand?_

_You won’t be alone again_

Olivia wrapped her arms around herself as she watched her squad and Rafael play with Noah. She smiled at her sons giggles as Carisi pretended to blow up a robot.

She saw his cup of juice was low and decided to busy herself by refilling it. Rafael got up a few moments later and followed her into the kitchen.

“You okay?” He asked running a hand up and down her back. She nodded and smiled at him.

“I’m thankful Noah has so many people who love him. I don’t know how I would’ve been able to get through this on my own.” She said honestly.

“Well, luckily, you won’t ever have to.” He circled his arms around her and pulled her into his chest.

“You won’t be alone again, babe.” He kissed her softly on the lips. They broke apart when they heard laughing from the living room. Carisi and Noah had destroyed all the evil robots.

Liv walked back into the living room and knelt down next to Noah, handing him his cup and running her hand through his hair. He showed her his robots with a proud smile on his face.

Rafael smiled and sat down on the couch next to Fin. Their perfect little family was everything they had ever wanted, and then some. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this! I had a lot of fun writing it, I think Barson is my favorite ship of all time the genuine love between the two of them is beautiful.

**Author's Note:**

> Some of these might end up being related, I'm not sure yet. I want to get back into writing and this is my way of practicing and getting better. Hope you guys enjoy it!


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